Since beginning my married life I confess to having failed to pursue some of my most passionate ambitions and dreams - to being freely ME - not only with my husband, but before my GOD. Sharing life with someone, no matter how wonderful he is (and he is) has been quite a different experience. My independent nature, my freedom to GO no matter what, have had to stop and think more often. There is now someone else whose life is directly affected by my actions, desires, plans, and dreams. Decisions that would have been EASY in my single life are now so much harder than I would have ever imagined. I often know exactly what I would do, or want to do, but making that best for both of us, for our greater plans, and goals - complicates things to say the least. Most of all my fear of getting in the way of his dreams and purpose has caused me to hide mine - when we should be pursuing them together. I admit it has been hard sometimes even to know what mine are anymore - I have hidden them so well!
Every day there are people I long for in my heart, spread across this world. Most strongly on my heart at present are my church family in England, I long for them every day. I miss the way they lived for JESUS, loving Him, each other, and everyone else, every day, no matter what. After tasting such sweet fellowship, true worship, and sacrificial community living - I have struggled in my own culture to be patient with issues that are still present and distracting the Church from Who matters. What I wouldn't give to have just a few moments with them.
My current "station" in life is not a stage I would have ever expected - but I am thankful for it. Even as I am thankful, I am longing to know what is to come of it. I pray my eyes and heart will be open and willing to seize every opportunity HE would set before me. I long to make every moment on this earth count, in the name of JESUS. For what other purpose are we here?