April 1, 2006

It's Personal...

On of the dearest friends I have ever had has taught me two things very well. First, I have learned more than ever the value of committment to relationships - be it friendship, family, or Divine - teaches me how to intertwine each. The second most important thing I have learned is how to "lose leaves," or be real with one another. The freedom that comes from sharing hearts openly and honestly in fellowship before the LORD surpasses any other act of intimacy. The ability to feel safe while exposing the depths of your heart is necessary, uniting, healing, and strengthening.

That being said, my posts may reflect what I have learned more in the future. My petition is this - as I share my heart, my joys and fears, please stand beside me in prayer, for i confess all in order to gain a closer walk with Jesus...and there is a Big battle going on.

All that is written in previous posts is true...but not the whole story. I need your prayers. I desire so earnestly to pursue the LORD with ALL my Heart, ALL my Strength, and ALL my Mind. I Need your prayers. I have struggled with many attacks common to man, and with some struggles it has become easier to habitully "fail the test." I Need Your Prayers.

Reading through an old journal of mine, i ran across an entry written November 29, 2005. This entry is repeated later, and to this day remains my prayer.

"My mind seems often in constant turmoil, striving to dicipher a path to take in the pursuit of my destiny. I long to have my foot firmly planted on the path which will produce abundant fruit in this life. I will not live this life in vain! My struggle continues though I dream all day about what I'd "love" to do. Hmm, i like the meaning behind that statement, "Love to do." Thats what I want my life to be about -> so in what manner will Love be done?? That's what I want - to Love - to invite healing, relationship, care...all that is LOVING...back into Life..."

My journalling continues with thoughts on Keoni, the young man I've had the priveledge of helping to disciple...and on to how much I still long to be discipled. I am tired of "being so spiritually mature." I'M NOT!!! I need mentors as much as the next person...if anything is unique, it's not how much i've excelled in pursuing the LORD, for I know I have fallen FAR FAR short of any measure imaginable...the only uniqueness that may stand out as maturity, is rather a Passionate LONGING for maturity. I stand on Grace, as anyone. I Long for the LORD to put in my path HIS people who will help to REFINE me so much more than I have been. I am greatful for this hunger...and longing for it's fulfillment.

"When I wake, I will be satisfied with seeing CHRIST'S Likeness."

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